Realisation
by MrsW0nka
Summary: Dean's going to hell in a month.Dad's just died,Sam feels lost and Dean doesn't talk about it.Sam is angst,Dean is angry.Chap9&10 kinda self harm.Warning:Lots of Dean/Sam slash and wincest.BottomSam. M-preg Sam. ABORTION - I DON'T WANT YOUR VIEWS ON IT!
1. Pancakes and kisses

A/N So I have been wanting to write a Dean/Sam fanfiction for a while now

**A/N So I have been wanting to write a Dean/Sam fanfiction for a while now. And here is the start. There is some kissing near the end of the chapter, I'll say it again, be warned; wincest. **

Dean lie awake thinking about his short time left. Only just over a month now before he will hear the Hellhounds coming for him. The thought of it sent shivers down his spine; even though he acted like he didn't care he was secrectly scared of what lay ahead of him. He looked over to Sam who was facing the other way sleeping silently and Dean thought about how he had saved him - it was all worth it, for him. Everyone knew that Dean did love his brother but wouldn't admit it, it was just who he was. A 'jack the lad' some would say, finding dates at dodgy bars whilst Sam would go home early alone. They were different in most ways but they suited each other when they hunted and worked together perfectly. Sam yawned and Dean looked over to him again, Sam turned onto his back and rubbed his eyes.

Dean lay silently not wanting Sam to know he has been awake all night. Sam sat up and put his legs over the side of his bed facing Dean. Dean looked at him and saw more then he wanted to, Sam was just wearing his boxers and more then what was supposed to was hanging out.

"Whoa, now Sam. Put it away!" Dean said and faced the other way quickly. Sam looked confused and tired but then realised what he meant and quickly sorted himself out feeling quite embarrassed. Sam coughed awkwardly and rushed to the bathroom to take a cold shower.

Dean lay smiling to himself, he liked the way Sam blushed and got embarrassed so easily. Maybe some people would call it cute. Dean quickly dismissed the idea of his little brother being cute and put a T-shirt on over his bare torso.

Sam emerged from the bathroom a little while later fully dressed, wet hair hanging down to his chin, and walked past his brother's bed and to the chair with the laptop on the little table in front of it. He turned it on and looked to Dean to tell him what they were going to be hunting today. Sam couldn't forget that Dean had barely a month left but he knew Dean wanted to keep hunting like everything was normal.

"What?" Dean said when Sam had been staring at him for a few minutes silently.

"We both knew you're going to tell me where we are going today," Sam said looking down to his laptop. Dean sighed and slipped on a pair of jeans.

"We are going for breakfast." Dean said bluntly grabbing his jacket and Sam closed his laptop and got up to get his jacket. They walked out of the motel door through the car park full of rusty and half broken cars to the nearest diner they could see.

Dean had a big plate of pancakes drenched in syrup thanks to his eyeing up the waitress but Sam had a little pile with barely any syrup. Dean noticed and stuffed in a big mouthful of his with a wink to his brother who just rolled his eyes.

After breakfast the brothers walked back to the motel room, Sam took up his seat with his laptop and Dean switched on a tiny television in the corner of the room and perched on the edge of his bed to watch.

Sam kept looking at his brother thinking about why he doesn't even bring up the fact that he was dying in a month. All his feelings were building up inside him and he wanted to just shout and scream at Dean to do something about it. Sam couldn't loose his brother, not after his dad. He'd have no one left, he was scared. He didn't want to hunt alone, he couldn't.

"Crap." Dean said and changed the channel, and two seconds later did the same to the next channel, and the next. Sam was broken out of his thoughts by Dean and stared at him with teary eyes. Dean felt like he was being watched and looked at Sam.

"What now?" Dean said and put the remote down, but then noticed Sam was slightly teary and his expression changed to worry.

"Dean!" Sam said standing up. "I can't believe you're just sitting here when in a month you'll be dead!" Sam said feeling frustrated with his brother and Dean's gaze dropped and he looked slightly guilty.

"Not this again." Dean mumbled to himself and Sam just huffed loudly at him. "Look, Sam, you know if I do anything you will die! I am not going to let you die!" Dean was shouting too but Sam looked angry.

"We can kill the son of a bitch that holds your contract! Why won't you help me with finding who it is?" Sam said tears starting to fall from his eyes. Sam didn't like his brother seeing him so upset and tried to cover up the tears and wipe them away quickly but Dean knew he was upset since he had starting shouting. Dean walked over to his brother and stared at him in the eyes with a sympathetic smile.

"You are such a girl sometimes…" Dean said taking his brother into an embrace that Sam rarely got from his brother.

"Dean!" Sam said pushing him off. "Don't change the subject and ignore everything I have said." Sam said still trying to push Dean off but he held him tightly and Sam gave up. The brothers stood hugging for a second, something they very rarely do, and Sam closed his eyes taking in the support from his big brother. Dean pulled back but held onto Sam's shoulders and patted them with quite a bit of force. Sam gathered probably making up for the 'chick flick moment' they had just experienced.

"Dean…" Sam said before he knew what was going on their lips were touching. Dean's tongue pushed through Sam's lips and their tongues fought each others for dominance. Dean's won and he was pushing Sam backwards towards the wall where Sam's back met it and Dean pushed his body into his brothers, still kissing him ferociously. Dean would bite down on Sam's bottom lip every now and then and Sam would whimper but his hands would ask for more by sliding down Dean's body to his hips and jeans.

The pace was fast and chests were heaving when Sam's was revealed because Dean had pulled off his jacket and shirt. Dean looked down Sam's rugged and full of muscle torso then there was a lust in his eyes Sam was almost frightened of. Dean pushed himself into Sam harder and his kisses trailed off his mouth to his neck and he started to bite at the soft skin, leaving marks each side of his neck. Sam's eyes closed at the feeling of his brother's mouth at his neck. Shivers shot up and down his spine, it felt so good.

Sam suddenly pushed Dean off of him and looked at him with an expression of sheer repulsion.

'_What are we doing?'_ Was all Sam's brain was saying to himself and he wiped his brothers wetness off of his neck and lips. Dean stood staring with longing but his gaze dropped as the realisation flooded him too. The brothers stood staring at each other, breathing heavily. Sam grabbed his shirt and Dean left the motel slamming the door loudly behind him and Sam just stood staring at the door in disbelief.

**Review and tell me if I should carry on the story please. **


	2. Footsteps

A/N thanks for the reviews

**A/N thanks for the reviews! I'll see if I can make this into more then a oneshot. **

Sam was on the bed his mind buzzing with what had happened. Dean still hadn't returned from when he stormed out and Sam had been left to sit alone with is thoughts. He went over and over kissing his brother.

_My brother. What is wrong with me? With us? _

But he couldn't help but think he wanted more from Dean. The feeling of his lips felt like nothing he had ever felt from a woman, not even Jessica.

_Jessica. How can I do this after what happened to her? _

Sam's thoughts were interrupted when the door opened slowly and Dean came in looking rugged, hung-over and unshaved. Sam looked to him urgently but Dean avoided his gaze. He closed the door and stumbled to the bathroom and Sam heard the shower turn on. Sam threw himself backwards onto the bed and rubbed his hands through his long hair.

_He hates me. Nothing will be the same again. _

Sam waited for Dean to emerge so maybe they could talk about things. Finally Dean came out looking a little better then before. He went and sat on the chair next to Sam's laptop. Sam was wondering if he was looking at him or just waiting for him to break the silence. Sam sat up and saw that Dean wasn't looking at him and waiting, he was looking out the window.

"So… um." Sam started and Dean didn't look around to him. "Who are we hunting today?" He suggested pulling at straws. "Are we going to find the demon that holds your contract?" Sam said trying to get things back to normal.

"For the last time, Sammy. If we do anything you will die! I can't let you die." Dean said the anger in his voice disappeared and he sounded sad. Sam huffed and felt lost; he didn't know what to say when his brother was being so stubborn.

"Well I can't let you go to hell!" Sam said trying to fight back. Dean just shook his head in a 'there's no point arguing' way. He was going to hell and that was final. And it was tearing Sam apart. The brothers were silent for another while and it got too much for Sam.

"Are we just going to be like this until you go to hell now?" Sam said waving his arms around trying to express himself. Dean looked to his brother and shrugged slightly. "Let's talk about what happened, Dean."

"What is with you and wanting to talk about things? No, let's not." Dean said crossing his arms and sitting back in the chair.

"Fine!" Sam shouted and he left his brother in the motel.

_What is with us? We are acting like children. Storming out on one another instead of talking things through. _

Sam's thoughts drifted as he aimlessly walked. He followed his feet through the streets and decided to go into a café for a coffee. Sam sat at the table looking out of the café window thinking, wondering what his brother was feeling. After all he was the one going to hell, not Sam. Sam couldn't help but feel a little guilty about the way he had been acting; Dean saved his life in return he gets to go to hell.

_It's my fault. _


	3. Raindrops

A/N thanks for the reviews

**A/N thanks for the reviews. I'm enjoying writing this a lot.**

Before he knew it, it was getting dark outside and Sam decided he was hungry. He looked down to see five empty cups that he had been sitting there drinking and then he went to the counter to order some take away food, he thought it best to take something home for Dean.

Sam arrived at the motel and unlocked the door, he pushed it open and after he's eyes adjusted to the dark he saw two shapes on the bed.

"Sam! Get out!" He heard Dean's voice shout and he realised what was going on. Sam saw Dean in bed with a random brunette woman, looking rather sweaty. Sam couldn't believe his eyes and he quickly slammed the door behind him and chucked the food in the nearest bin.

_How could he do that to me? _

Sam's heart ached; something he thought he would never feel because of his brother.

_It was only a kiss. Maybe it was a mistake. _

Sam fought with himself about how he felt, whether Dean was trying to make up for kissing him by getting with a hooker, or just doing it to hurt him.

_He wouldn't do it on purpose, to hurt me, would he?_

Sam ran his hand through his hair and entered the nearest off licence.

He sat for hours on a bench watching the world go buy with his bottle of Jack Daniels. It got darker and the sun finally disappeared from sight but Sam could hardly see anything anyway. He put his empty bottle down and leant back on the bench and closed his eyes.

- - - - - - - - -

"You should go." Dean's voice was serious when he told the girl to leave him, she gathered up her clothes and left, fearing the look on Dean's face.

_What an idiot. Why did you do that? _

Dean rubbed his face with cold water then put on his clothes and looked out of the window. It had been a while since Sam had walked in and Dean was worried so he decided to go and look for his brother. He grabbed his jacket and left the darkened room. He breathed in the fresh night air as he walked the streets wondering where he's brother would have gone. Dean walked the same trail as Sam but he didn't know it, and he finally arrived at the park where Sam was unconscious on a bench. Dean walked along the path through the plants of the park and saw a figure lying asleep on a bench.

_Damn hoboes. _

Dean walked past the figure but then took a second look as he past and stopped to look at him. Sam was sitting with his head hanging back and his jacket open, probably with his phone and wallet stolen.

"Sam!" Dean said as he realised it was his brother. Sam didn't stir so Dean poked him, still nothing, so Dean slapped him. "Sam! Wake up!" Dean said and Sam still didn't move and Dean suddenly got worried. Dean felt a pulse on Sam's neck so figured he was just passed out once he saw the empty bottle and shook his head at his brother as if he was watching. Dean sat next to his unconscious brother and sighed at him.

"I'm sorry Sammy. I don't know why I did that, but I'd hoped you would walk in on us. I'm a jerk." Dean said looking at his brother who still didn't stir. Dean sighed and leant back on the bench waiting for him to come to then there was a clap of thunder. Dean looked up to see thick dark clouds gathering and knew that it would rain any minute.

He was right. A few spits of rain starting to fall then suddenly big cold droplets fell on Dean's short hair.

"Damn you Sam!" Dean said and he started to pick his brother up and put him over his shoulders. "You've put on a few." Dean said heaving him up and over his head. Dean started walking through the dark and rain towards the motel.

Dean was soaked through apart from his shoulders where Sam had shielded him from the rain and he hadn't even reached the motel yet. He didn't realised the park was so far away on the way out here. Dean heard Sam grunt and moan and then felt him move.

"Hey!" Dean said as Sam woke up and tried to move. Sam opened his eyes and took in his surroundings with a thick head.

"Dean?" Sam said and Dean rolled his eyes and let Sam down. As Sam's feet hit the floor his knees gave in from under him but Dean caught him before he fell.

"How ya feeling? Nice hangover?" Dean said with a smirk and Sam scowled and stood up on his own. "Why did you go off like that and pass out? Good idea Sam. Better check your pockets." Dean said and Sam put his hands into his pockets, luckily nothing was missing apart from his watch.

"Why did you go and get a hooker?" Sam said and then thought of a dream he had where Dean had said he wanted him to walk in and realised he was hearing what his brother was saying. "You wanted me to walk in? Why would you rub that in my face, Dean?" Sam said his voice breaking from shouting over the heavy rain. Dean's face dropped as his brother said that and he realised he had heard what he had to say earlier.

"Sam, I…"

"Didn't think I'd hear you say it? I know Dean. You wanted to make up for kissing me, so the nearest hooker will do." Sam said and pushed his hair out of his face, now it was wet it was longer and falling down his face, Dean's just went flat in the rain.

"Look, Sam! Let me speak, will you!" Dean shouted and Sam stood there waiting and Dean took a moment to gather his thoughts. "Yes, I did it to make up for kissing you. But it didn't mean anything. It's just who I am!"

"A common whore?" Sam said happy that the rain was hiding his tears.

"Sam… I just couldn't take in what happened with us. But now I've come to terms with it. It's so worrying because it meant more to me then any woman I've been with." Dean was spilling his heart out but Sam wasn't used to it, usually it was him. Sam stepped towards his brother and stroked his wet cheek with his freezing cold hand. Sam faced Dean to him with his hand and kissed his forehead, but Dean pulled him back for more.

Their lips touched, both were cold and wet but it didn't matter. Dean put his hands through Sam's wet hair and Sam stroked Dean's lower back. There were more claps of thunder and a flash of lightening but the boys kept their lips together, not caring about the world around them.

"Get a room!" A man called from across the path and they broke apart.

"You'll need to a get a new jaw!" Dean shouted and went for the man but Sam stopped him. Dean unclenched his fist and Sam held the hand.

"It's going to happen." Sam said soothingly and turned Dean away and started walking back to the motel. Sam unlocked the door and they walked inside their dark room and both of them threw their wet jackets onto the chair. Sam had just closed the door when Dean pushed him up against it and was kissing him again. Dean stepped back a moment and took in his brothers wet face, he did like it when Sam's hair was falling down his face like this. Dean smiled with lust and carried on kissing Sam, pushing into him hard.

Dean stripped Sam's clothes off and then his own until they were both in their jeans and then he pushed Sam backwards onto the bed. Sam sat back up and felt under him to find handcuffs that he had used with the hooker. Dean stepped back and cursed himself for not tidying up after himself. Sam threw the handcuffs on the floor and disappeared into the bathroom. Dean fell onto the bed and got out of his wet clothes, but put some new ones on. Sam wouldn't want to see him naked after finding the sex toy he had used with a hooker.


	4. Boys Don't Cry

**A/N lots of smut at the end of this chapter.**

Sam sat in the bathroom feeling sorry for himself for most of the night. He heard Dean snoring through the door and thought it safe to go and lay down on his bed. Sam walked past Dean quietly and lay on his bed gently. He lay there listening to his brother sleeping then gradually fell asleep himself.

- - - - - - - - - - -

The morning came and it had gotten cold in the cheap room when Dean woke up hearing the wind blowing against the windows. Dean noticed Sam was shivering in his sleep; he had fallen asleep in his jeans but no top, above the duvet. Dean sighed and got out of his bed, his feet touched the cold floor and he covered Sam up with his duvet. Sam stirred and opened his eyes to see Dean holding his duvet over him.

"Dean…"

"I was just covering you up, you were cold." Dean said letting go of the cover and standing up holding his hands up like he was being told to by the police. Sam pulled the cover up to his chin and looked away from Dean. Dean sat on the edge of Sam's bed and looked at him.

"What?..."

Dean sighed he knew Sam wanted him to say sorry, "I'm sorry Sammy." Sam shuffled under his duvet uncomfortably but Dean kept staring at him.

"You know what I'm like…"

"So I'm just like one of those whores too now?" Sam said sitting up in his bed, his muscles clenching as he leant on his hands.

"No, Sam! Why do you have to twist everything I say?" Dean said getting annoyed.

"Well you just throw them away when you're done… When's that going to happen to me?" Sam said feeling his eyes fill with tears, "Or do I just have to wait for you to go to hell?"

"Damn it Sam!" Dean said standing up from the bed. "Why do you always have to remind me about going to hell?"

"Because I can't just block it out like you!" Sam was standing up now too. "Why are we doing this now?" Sam said pushing his hair from his face.

"Maybe because I've always wanted to, but now knowing I'll be dead soon I knew I had to make a move…" Dean said his voice getting quieter with every word. Sam was taken aback for a second and he looked down at his brother who was trying not to cry. Sam stepped forward and hugged Dean tightly, Dean actually let out a few tears onto Sam's neck. Sam held Dean's head and stroked his hair. Sam kissed his brothers forehead and Dean looked up asking for more.

Their lips touched slowly, tasting each other, savouring the taste. Dean's tears wiped on Sam's cheeks as their tongues caressed each others'. Dean felt Sam's bare torso and his hands went under his jeans to his round buttocks. He squeezed Sam tightly and pushed his pelvis into his brothers'. Dean pushed Sam back down onto his bed and straddled him, taking off his own shirt. Dean lay on top of his little brother and their bare skin rubbed together, Sam was cold but Dean's was hot. The friction made it feel much more intense. Sam gasped when Dean reached under his boxers and groped him.

Sam reached for Dean's jeans and undone his flies and pulled them down a little, revealing that short curly hair in just the right places. He stroked the hair making Dean's eyes glow with lust. Dean undone Sam's jeans and pulled them down with his boxers to Sam's knees, revealing Sam's erection. This drove Dean wild and he couldn't take it anymore, he pulled Sam's jeans and boxers off completely and held he's legs over his shoulders. Sam looked scared as Dean put his finger to his entrance, stroking it softly. He licked his finger and pushed it in and Sam gasped with pain. After a few minutes Dean removed his finger and positioned himself, and then he pushed his erection into his brother's entrance slowly. Sam clenched his fingers onto Dean's hips trying to push him away but Dean didn't stop. He had pushed himself in all the way and stopped for a second, listening to Sam's heavy breathing. He then pulled out and pushed back into Sam harder than before, the noises Sam made urged him on to do it harder. Dean began thrusting faster and harder into his little brother who was holding onto his hips pulling him into himself deeper. Dean used one hand on Sam's erection and pumped him the same time as his thrusting. Sam called out Dean's name in ecstasy as he came into his brother's hand, moments later with one last hard thrust Dean released too.

They lay together breathing heavily not saying a word, just taking in what had happened. Sam reached for Dean's hand and held it lightly.


	5. Too Little, Too Late

**A/N So I thought I'd update, I haven't for ages, sorry guys! I'm having a major Supernatural relapse! It's a good thing.**

Sam woke up to Dean grumbling in his sleep. Sam sighed at looked up to the ceiling then Dean shouted in his sleep. He was shouting and Sam could work out that he was scared; he was having a nightmare about hellhounds. Sam hugged Dean and stroked his hair; Dean calmed down and opened his eyes.

"How long have you been having nightmares about it?" Sam asked and Dean huffed and shrugged.

Sam had a sudden thought that Dean's time left alive was very short, he sat up and thought about how long he had.

_Two days. _

Sam stood up and paced the room, tears and anger building up inside him.

"What's wrong?" Dean said sitting up in bed and watching Sam.

"You know!" Sam shouted and he punched the wall in anger. He pulled his fist back to reveal a dent in the cheap wall, the paint crumbled down to the floor.

"It's my problem Sam! You will just have to get on with your life."

"Get on with my life? How, Dean? You are my life!" Dean didn't know what to say to this, he was speechless because of the remark. "Hunting is my life, I can't do it alone" Sam added to the awkwardness.

"You've got Bobby…"

"You shouldn't have bargained your life for mine!" Sam couldn't forget the day he died.

"What was I supposed to do? I couldn't watch you die!"

"Well I can't just watch you die, Dean!" The boys were just going around in circles with each other. "I can't take another one… first Jessica, then dad. Please… I can't take another one." Sam said and he held his head in his hands, his knuckles bleeding from the wall.

Dean got out of bed and took his brother into a hug, he kissed his knuckles lightly and a tear fell onto them as he did.

"Please… Dean…" Sam sounded so broken. And it hurt Dean inside.

"It's too late Sam." Dean said with his voice cracking.


	6. The Shower

**A/N I'm getting sad just writing this! *Remembers the episodes***

**(Yes, my story follows the storyline of dean going to hell, but it doesn't happen with Lilith etc like the show.)**

**This chapter turns into porn basically, so beware. I got carried away. **

The boys spent the day talking about life sitting in the motel room until they finally fell asleep together.

In the morning Dean woke up bright and early and got dressed. He crept out quietly leaving Sam in bed.

"Dean…" Sam said and opened his eyes to find out that he was gone. Sam sat up looking around the room as he realised that he was gone. Sam sighed and wondered if he was out with another random girl and got up to find some clothes.

He heard a noise and the door opened. Dean stood there with a huge smile on his face and bags of take away food. He had gone to a diner to get Sam breakfast in bed.

"Dean, where were you?" Sam asked eyeing up the bags he had.

"Get back in bed!" Dean instructed with a smile and Sam smirked and sat back into bed leaning against the headboard. Dean set the bags down and got Sam's coffee ready and gave it to him. He then went and got a big pile of pancakes and passed them to Sam.

"Where's yours?" Sam asked taking a sip of coffee. Dean smiled and showed Sam an empty bag where he had got hungry on the way back.

"Why are you so happy today?" Sam asked as Dean sat on the side of the bed watching his brother eat his pancakes.

Dean shrugged, "I figured it's my last day, I might as well enjoy it." Dean said happily as if he was talking about leaving on holiday. Sam suddenly lost his appetite and Dean realised it.

"Come on, Sam! Be a little cheerful for me?" Dean said with puppy dog eyes. Sam sighed and carried on eating slowly. "That's a boy," Dean said patting Sam's leg. "Don't take too long we have things to do today!"

- - - - - -

Sam had just finished his breakfast when Dean took it away from him and pulled him out of bed. He had turned the shower on ready and pushed Sam into the bathroom, stripping him as he did. Dean smirked at Sam and slapped his bum when he stepped into the shower. The water ran down his hair, down his chest and legs. Dean was watching with big eyes and before Sam knew it Dean was in the shower with him. Dean pushed Sam against the wall and kissed his neck. Their wet, naked bodies rubbed together with the hot water steaming up all the glass. Sam got excited as Dean stroked his body, Sam knelt so he was the right height and Dean smiled to himself thinking of what was coming his way.

Sam groped Dean as Dean held Sam's long, wet hair, guiding him how he wanted him. Sam's tongue did the work and he knew he was doing the right thing by the sounds Dean that was making. Dean was close and his thighs tightened and then he released into Sam's mouth. Sam stood up under the flowing water and washed his face. His hair was draping down his face, his body was wet and shiny. Dean took in the sight and then knelt down in front of Sam.

Sam was surprised but didn't object as his brother put him in his mouth. Sam's head fell back and his breath hitched as Dean pleasured him. Sam stroked Dean's hair and clenched his fingers around the strands as he climaxed with a grunt. Dean stood up smiling with lust in his eyes as he watched his brother stand there in awe. Sam opened his eyes and looked down at Dean, then turned the shower off and pushed Dean out of the bathroom onto the bed.

"You want more?" Dean smiled as Sam straddled him. Sam bent down and bit his way down Dean's body, sending shivers down Dean's spine every time. Dean couldn't stand this any more, he threw Sam to the side put his body on top of he's. He bit Sam's nipples playfully then turned Sam onto his stomach. He pushed himself into Sam's entrance slowly whilst massaging Sam's buttocks. He thrust into Sam and Sam clenched the bed sheets as Dean thrust again. Dean slapped Sam's butt as he thrust again harder than ever and Sam called out Dean's name in ecstasy. Dean did the same as he climaxed and fell onto the bed next to Sam. They lay there breathing heavily then Dean turned to Sam, "I think we need another shower."

- - - - - -

The boys were finally dressed and ready to leave when Dean revealed his plans for the day. He wanted to see every tourist site in the state they were in, no matter what it was. The first thing he found was The World's Largest Pizza.

"The world's largest pizza?" Sam said in disbelief.

"Yeah its amazing ain't it?" Dean said hearing the surprise in Sam's voice.

"That's not why I was surprised." Sam laughed as they got into Dean's car.

"You'll take care of my baby, won't you? Remember what I taught you." Dean said patting the steering wheel. Sam nodded; he knew he loved his car.

- - - - -

The brothers had travelled the whole state and the most interesting thing Sam saw was someone eat a whole hotdog in one go, and the person who did it was Dean.

Dean on the other hand was like a child in a theme park; he enjoyed every little thing in the day and bought any souvenirs he could find. It was now getting dark and Sam couldn't help but think about tomorrow.


	7. The Chase

**A/N I'm not sure where to take this fanfic after this chapter.**

The boys fell asleep last night after an expensive dinner out and an exhausting day. Sam couldn't sleep long he soon woke up and lay awake watching his brother. Dean looked so innocent; he didn't deserve what was coming.

Sam thought about the hellhounds coming, what if they couldn't reach Dean? Sam had a sudden thought and got out of bed and quickly and threw some clothes in a bag. He threw them in the trunk of the car then went back and pulled Dean out of bed.

"Wh – What?" Dean said half asleep and Sam dragged him to the car and threw him in and shut the door. Sam sat on the driver's seat and fired up the engine, and then he was off. He was driving like he was being chased.

"What are you doing?" Dean said as he looked around the car.

"They can't get you if we keep moving." Sam said not moving his eyes from the road. Dean sighed and shook his head.

"They will get me no matter what. And if they don't then they'll get you!" Dean said and he slapped his hand on the dashboard. Sam's eyes looked sideways sat Dean but he didn't move his head.

"No. They won't get any more Winchester's." Sam said in a serious tone and sped through a red light barely missing another car.

"Sam!" Dean said shielding his face with his arms as they sped past the car. "Do you wanna get us both killed?" Sam didn't respond. Dean tried taking Sam's hands off the wheel but Sam was holding on too tight.

Sam suddenly turned right and Dean fell into the window, they were heading out of the city, onto the long country roads where there wasn't many cars.

Suddenly Dean shouted in fear and ducked his head.

"What is it?" Sam said urgently checking the car for any intruders.

"I can hear them; they are running after the car!" Dean said his head still in his arms. Sam looked in the mirror out the back of the car, there was nothing in sight, but Dean could clearly hear them barking for him.

Before Sam even realised what had happened Dean's door was pulled open and he was wrenched out of the car onto the grass by the side of the road.

"Dean!" Sam shouted and skidded the car around. He burned the brakes in the fasted emergency stop he had ever managed and tried to open the door but it was stuck shut.

"Dean!" He shouted as he watched Dean lay on the floor frantically trying to keep something off of him. As Sam tried to open all the doors in the car he watched as Dean's clothes got torn apart and blood ran from his body. Sam had no other option, he smashed through the window cutting his arm badly on the way out, and he ran then fell on the floor holding Dean.

It was too late. There were huge, deep claw marks across Dean's chest and blood splattered on his face, dripping on the grass all around him. Sam held his brothers head up and his eyes were vacantly staring up at him. Tears fell onto Dean's face as Sam knelt there crying over his brother.


	8. Slipping Away

**A/N Just been watching season 1! **

Sam stayed with Dean's body for hours until Bobby turned up.

"Sam…" Bobby said as he got out of his car, tears running down his face already. He pulled a reluctant Sam up from his knees and into an embrace that he needed. Bobby looked over Sam's shoulder down at Dean and shook his head.

"Good job I was tracking you today, I knew you'd try and get somewhere safe." He sighed, "How are you, Sam?" Sam didn't answer he just stood staring at the floor without an expression. Sam's eyes were red from crying and he was pale in the face.

The police turned up shortly after Bobby, to Sam's annoyance. He just wanted to be left alone.

"He fell out of the car?" The policeman repeated when Bobby told him what had happened. Bobby repeated his story that the door swung open, he fell out and rolled along the ground causing the cuts.

"What do you think Sammy over there pushed him? Look at him!" Bobby said when the policeman looked at him suspiciously. Sam wasn't answering any of the policemen's questions; he hadn't even said anything to Bobby.

The police began to put Dean in a body bag but Sam pushed them away from him.

"Sam…" Bobby said restraining him; Sam was still silent he was just crying again. "You gotta let them take him. We'll give him a proper funeral." Sam watched them drive away with his brother, more tears running down his face.

A medic ushered Sam to the ambulance so they could patch up his arm, it was severely cut up from smashing the window. They wanted to take him to hospital for a proper check over but Sam wouldn't let them.

"It's alright; I'll take care of him. I'll bring him in if I think he needs it." Bobby said taking Sam to his car. "I'll take you home." Bobby said shutting Sam in and walking around to the driver's side.

- - - - - -

The drive home was silent; Sam just stared out of the window. They arrived at Bobby's and Sam walked in slowly, and then sat at the kitchen table. Bobby got a bottle of whisky and two glasses and joined him.

"I'm sorry Sam." Bobby said, "But there was nothing you could have done." Sam shook his head to Bobby.

"I'd rather let them have me." Sam said through clenched teeth.

"Don't talk like that. It'll be alright, you can stay with me. We can even go hunting together when you want to." Sam just looked away; the thought of hunting without Dean tore him apart. Sam poured himself another glass and downed it, then another.

"Sam…" Bobby said concerned, but Sam just shook his head at him and took another mouthful.

Sam went over all the fights he had with Dean, all the feelings, all the kisses. He couldn't believe that he just let Dean die without doing anything. And it was for he's own life. After what had happened between them recently he's gone. Sam kept on drinking after Bobby had left him alone, he realised Sam wanted to be alone at the moment.


	9. Candles

**A/N A bit of Sam angst anyone?**

_Dean kissed Sam's neck and sent tingles down his spine. _

"_Dean…" Sam whimpered; it felt so good. _

Sam opened his eyes to a darkened kitchen, he had been dreaming. There was an empty bottle of whisky on his lap and dribble down his chin. Sam instantly thought of Dean lying there dead in front of him and thumped his fists down onto the table.

"It shouldn't have happened…" Sam said getting to his unsteady feet. He wobbled to the window and looked out; Bobby had got the Impala from where Sam left it so Sam grabbed the keys and left Bobby's house. Sitting in the car he looked around, his eyes blurry and tired. He looked to the seat next to him where Dean should have been and turned on the engine then drove off into the night.

He didn't have a destination. Just, somewhere. Anywhere. Away from here.

He drove until he couldn't bear being alone in the car, he pulled up at a cheap motel and bought a room. He got out his laptop and started searching for anything to get someone out of hell. Any snippet that he could find helpful he wrote down.

By the morning he had a pile of notes and drawings of symbols and spells that he was going to try. The first one on his list consisted of summoning a demon by your own blood.

Sam set up 3 candles in a row, crossroads dirt and a silver bowl for his blood. With a knife he sliced into his wrist, letting his blood fill the bowl. He couldn't stop the blood, it overflowed onto the floor but he didn't care. Still bleeding he chanted the spell. The candles flickered and then went out, then there there was, a demon. It was in the body of a young girl, tall and slim but with those demonic jet black eyes.

She was smirking at Sam kneeling on the floor, still bleeding and pale.

"Get him out." Sam said angrily.

"What's in it for me?" The demon said putting her hands on her hips.

"Me."

The demon laughed. "What makes you think we want you down in hell, and not Dean?"

"Just do it!" Sam shouted getting to his feet holding his sliced up arm.

"Well even if I wanted you in hell, Sam. I'm not powerful enough to do the swap. You need an angel for that." The demon said, "Good luck getting one." And then she was gone.

Sam fell to his knees in tears and closed his eyes only to see Dean. He wasn't going to let himself sleep until he got Dean out from hell. Sam ripped some cloth off of his shirt and tied it around his arm then carried on at the laptop this time searching information on angels.


	10. Sacrifice

**A/N I'm really into this story right now, I really should go to bed I have work in the morning. **

It was noon the next day and Sam hadn't moved from his laptop, he ignored the hunger he felt.

"To summon an angel you need to capture a demon and sacrifice it under the angel's name." Sam read out to himself. That was it; he was back on the floor drawing a symbol on the ground to capture a demon when he summons it. When that was done he cut his other arm, enjoying the pain as he watched the blood fill the bowl again.

"What now?" Said the same demon when she appeared. Dean started reading from his notes the enchantment of how to send a demon back to hell. "What?" The demon said in horror as she realised she was trapped and what Sam was doing.

"Ok fine, I'll try and get someone else to get you in hell instead!" Sam just shook his head and carried on reading.

The demon looked in pain when she opened her mouth and black smoke came flooding out and circled the ceiling. The body of the girl fell to the floor, lifeless.

"I sacrifice this demon in the name of Castiel the angel! Now appear to me!" Sam said with a strong voice. The black smoke disappeared in a gust of wind and in that gust of wind an angel appeared, wings outstretched to each wall of the room. Sam couldn't quite take in that what he did actually worked; he was feeling a little hopeful that the angel would actually be able to help him.

"Angel, I need to ask a favour of you." Sam said bowing his head to the angel.

"You want me to get Dean out of hell." The angel said and Sam nodded his head. "The only way I can do this is if I can banish John Winchester's soul to hell, forever." Sam's heart broke but he knew he had to agree, it was one thing getting Dean back but they probably would never be able to get their dad back after the deal he made. Sam nodded and so the angel disappeared.

"Wait? How will I find Dean?" Sam shouted but the angel had gone. Sam felt feint and suddenly fell to the floor and passed out. His arm still bleeding through the cloth and the other onto the floor.

- - - - - - -

Dean suddenly awoke to the most intense pain he had ever felt. He looked around to find out his was in a freezer. He kicked the door open and slid out of the morgues freezer. He looked down his body; he had deep cuts down his chest that were stitched up roughly. He opened the window and climbed out carefully not to rip his stitches. He found the nearest sign; he wasn't that far from Bobby's place so he began walking.

Bobby answered the door with a shotgun, half asleep. When he saw who was at the door he dropped the gun in disbelief.

"Dean?" He exclaimed and looked him up and down, examining if it was really him.

"Yes, it's me. And don't ask me how the hell this happened." Dean said shaking his head and walking in the house. "Where's Sam?" He said searching the house.

"He was here…" Bobby said and then he looked to see if the Impala was still parked outside. "He's took the car and gone."

"Where?"

"God knows." Bobby sighed and they both left the house and got in his car, ready to track him down.


	11. That's My Baby

**A/N Thanks for reading!**

Bobby and Dean drove on gut instinct and they came across a gas station, they pulled in and asked if anyone had seen an Impala go past recently.

"No, but I heard a gorgeous engine." A mechanic replied.

"That's my baby!" Dean said proudly.

"I heard people talking about this Impala that was flying through red traffic lights earlier, people thought the guy driving was drunk." The person behind the till said to them.

"Any idea which way he went?" Bobby asked hopefully.

"Yea the engine went south." Bobby nodded thanks to the people and they drove off down the road.

"What was he thinking, going off like that?" Bobby said looking down a side road for any sign. "He was drunk earlier." Dean sighed and looked worriedly about then he spotted a motel coming up on the horizon.

"I bet he's in there," He said pointing to the motel.

They arrived and pulled up and Dean spotted his car and ran toward the door that the car was parked outside.

"Sam?!" Dean shouted banging on the door, Bobby looked through the window.

"I can see his laptop," He moved to a hole in the curtain, "He's on the floor, something's happened." Without a minute to think Dean kicked open the door and saw Sam lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood.

"Sam!" Dean shouted and he knelt in his blood, holding Sam's head up. Dean ripped his top for some cloth and patched Sam up. Bobby was examining the room, candles and Sam's notes.

"He brought you back." Bobby said looking at the spells he had looked up. Dean was tearing up and stroking Sam's hair.

"Come on, wake up..."

"Get him up here," Bobby said clearing the bed of paper to lay Sam on. Dean scooped Sam's legs up and slowly got to his feet, Sam was taller than him after all so he was quite heavy. Bobby took his legs and they laid him down gently. Bobby left Dean to sit with his brother and he went and looked through the notes that Sam had written again.

"He managed to summon an angel; do you remember anything, Dean?"

Dean thought, he did have split second's memory of his experience, but he wasn't going to talk about it. He shook his head, and then realised that his shoulder was hurting after picking Sam up and pulled his sleeve up to reveal his shoulder. There on his shoulder was a gleaming red hand print that looked like it had been burnt into his skin.

"What the hell?" Bobby said stepping towards Dean to get a better look.

"I don't know…" Dean said looking to Sam, as if he would wake up and explain. Dean sat down on the bed next to Sam and waited. Bobby sat on the chair with Sam's laptop, and they both fell asleep after a while.

- - - - - -

Sam opened his eyes; he looked around to see a fuzzy figure lying next to him. He sat up alarmed but then found out that Dean was sleeping peacefully next to him. Sam looked at his arms and around the room, seeing Bobby and the candles he had set up before.

"It worked?" Sam said to himself pondering what has happened. Sam was so relieved he hugged Dean tightly and woke him up.

"Hey!" Dean said sleepily then opened his eyes to see Sam's happy face staring at him. "Sam!" Dean said just as happy as his little brother now.

"I missed you, so much." Sam whispered starting to cry from mixed emotions. "What happened to you down there?" Sam said rubbing his arms soothingly. Dean looked down sadly at Sam and shook his head.

"I don't remember," he lied. Even though Sam could tell Dean wasn't telling the truth he didn't push the matter. Dean took Sam into another hug and kissed his ear as he did, Sam closed his eyes taking in the feeling of his brother.


	12. Dreams

**A/N Sorry about the wait between chapters sometimes. I'm thinking of going into a male pregnancy with this story.**

Dean and Sam were holding each other softly as they slept, Bobby examined the way they were laying and figured out what was going on.

Dean opened his eyes to see Bobby staring and gave him a look of warning. Bobby just nodded as if to say 'I understand.'

"Dean… No!" Sam shouted in his sleep, squirming in Dean's arms.

"Sam, wake up…" Dean said stroking Sam's head soothingly. Sam opened his teary eyes and looked up at his brother. "What was it?"

Sam sighed and sat up, "I have nightmares. Of watching you die… over and over." Sam said quietly and Dean didn't know what to say. Dean got up and stretched, doing so revealed the handprint to Sam.

"What is that?" Sam asked standing up and examining it closely. Dean looked at it and sighed, then looked at Bobby.

"The handprint from the angel you summoned." Bobby said matter-of-factly. Sam looked confused and then looked guiltily around the room.

"Does it hurt?" Sam asked stroking his finger over it, Dean nodded. "I'm sorry…"

"It beats being down there though, Sammy." Dean said holding Sam's shoulders and looking at him directly in the eyes.

"You said you didn't remember?"

"I don't, but I can still feel it ripping at my insides." Dean said turning around from Sam and taking a swig from his little bottle as if Sam couldn't see what he was doing.

"You'll turn into drunks if you're not careful," Bobby said shaking his head, "both of you." He added looking at Sam because of his behaviour before.

"How did you expect me to react?" Sam said shrugging his shoulders.

"Yeah, well at least he's back now." Bobby said looking at Dean.

Dean turned around and held up Sam's arms to show Bobby, "at this expense."

"Dean!" Sam said pulling his arm away and pulling his sleeve down.

"Can we get outta this room?" Dean said looking out the window. "I need some fresh air." He said opening the door and walking out, looking back inside to get Bobby and Sam to follow.

"Where are you going, Dean?"

"Anywhere." Dean said back to Sam and flicked his collar up.

"Why don't you two come and stay at my house for a couple of weeks. Let you both recover." Bobby suggested and Dean shrugged at Sam.

"Yeah, we could. It's nicer than this motel." Sam said looking at the rusting building.

Bobby drove off in his car and Dean walked to his Impala and stroked her bonnet.

"I've missed you." Dean said to the car, "did he hurt you?" He said looking at Sam. He held his hands out for the keys and Sam went inside to collect his things from the room.

Dean sat on the bonnet looking through the window at his brother collecting his paperwork. He rubbed his shoulder, thinking about what had happened. Sam came out carrying his laptop and paperwork, and then gave Dean the keys.


	13. Romance is Not A Children's Game

**A/N I think I will make it a male pregnancy, sorry if anybody hates them who have been reading.**

Dean enjoyed driving his car again, even if the ride was awkwardly silent. Sam would sneak looks at Dean and Dean could feel Sam looking at him, although he didn't mind.

They arrived at Bobby's and he showed them the spare room they could stay in then left them alone. Sam sat on the bed holding his head in his hands.

"What's wrong?" Dean asked and Sam shrugged.

"Headaches." Sam said scrunching up his face to show it hurts. "Since you died… since the nightmares." Dean sat on the bed next to his brother and patted his hand on Sam's knee. Sam's eyes met Dean as they grew closer together, their lips met and their eyes closed tightly. Dean held Sam's neck in his hands and stroked the bottom of his long hair as their tongues' felt each other. Sam pushed Dean away and looked him in the eyes.

"Dean…" He said warningly, eyeing up the door. "Bobby is here…" Dean sighed at his brother.

"He knows." Dean said and Sam's eyes widened. "He saw the way I was holding you, anyone could have guessed."

"And he still invited us to his house?" Sam said surprised.

"It doesn't matter to him, Sam. And you shouldn't worry either." Dean said stroking Sam's hair again. Sam closed his eyes feeling his brothers embrace and he slowly lay on his back as Dean lay on top of him.

Sam was overwhelmed with feelings he couldn't decipher. He was so happy that Dean was back, and couldn't believe this was happening again, but he also felt worried that it was happening again; it meant that it was serious.

Dean leant is body down on Sam's and looked into his eyes as he kissed his lips lightly. Dean undone Sam's bloodstained shirt to reveal his toned body. He started kissing Sam's neck, and then his chest, nipples then navel, working his way down to the top of his jeans. Sam's breathing was heavy as Dean unzipped his brother's jeans and slipped them down to his ankles. Dean groped his brother through his boxers lightly teasing him, making him want more. Dean pulled Sam's boxers down and pulled them off along with the jeans and enjoyed the sight, he looked up to Sam and winked at him. Sam suddenly felt shy and pulled his shirt together but Dean was too fast, he was pulling his shirt off too.

Dean stood up looking at his brother, eyeing him up as he began to undress himself. Dean's eyes strayed to Sam's arms and Sam noticed and sat up awkwardly. Dean pushed it out of his mind and pulled off the last item of his clothing then pushed Sam down onto his back forcefully, stroking his thighs as he got onto the bed. Dean turned Sam around so he lay on his stomach and pulled him up onto his hands and knees. Sam's hair fell down his smiling, blushing face as Dean entered him slowly. Sam gripped at the sheets as Dean moved himself deeper, holding Sam's hips tightly as he began thrusting. Dean put one hand under Sam and pleasured him as he thrust. Dean grunted as he got faster and Sam pushed back into Dean's rhythm. They reached their climax together and then lay on the bed to catch their breath.

"Dean…" Sam said turning to his brother who looked back at him. "I think I love you…" Sam whispered and Dean looked into his eyes and nodded.

"You too…" He said awkwardly and Sam smiled. He knew he hated chick flick moments.


	14. First Date

**A/N Thanks for reading!**

A few weeks passed and Dean and Sam were still staying at Bobby's, happily just sitting around doing nothing. It made a change not to hunt everyday, they considered themselves on holiday. Out of the blue one afternoon Dean suggested going to a restaurant for dinner, a nice place. Just the two of them.

"Why?" Sam asked when Dean was caught up in the idea.

"Well, why not?" Dean said loosing his enthusiastic smile and Sam smiled at him.

"You never want to go anywhere, besides we are still wanted by the police." Dean sighed at Sam and shrugged.

"Come on…" Dean said looking at Sam with puppy dog eyes, "You can choose the place." Dean said with a smile and left Sam to choose a restaurant.

"Are you wearing cologne?" Sam asked getting a whiff of Dean as he walked passed. Dean looked over his shoulder at Sam and winked playfully.

"Do you like it?" Dean asked and Sam shrugged and nodded. "So where are we going?"

- - - - - -

Dean parked up where Sam told him to and they got out of the Impala, they entered the Italian restaurant that Sam had picked.

They were seated at a nice table for two in a corner and Dean examined the place.

"Posh." Dean nodded in agreement with himself and Sam smiled. They ordered there food and Dean started eating the breadsticks very loudly as they waited.

"So why did you want to come to a restaurant?" Dean stopped crunching as Sam spoke so he could hear his brother. Dean finished his breadstick then began to speak a few minutes later.

"I thought it'd be nice to spend some time together…"

"But we are always together, Dean." Sam stated and Dean sighed.

"You wanna make me say it don't you…" Dean said and then he leant forward to Sam, "together like, you know, a date." Sam's eyes widened looking surprised and he smiled the way Dean loved him smiling.

The boys enjoyed their meal together and Dean offered to pay with his fake credit card, then they left and returned to Bobby's. Even though it was Bobby's house they never really saw him, he kept himself busy and they all kept out of each others' way.

As they entered their room Dean pushed Sam onto the bed before closing the door and straddling him.

"This was a date, after all." Dean smirked.

- - - - - -

Sam woke up in the middle of the night from a sharp pain in his stomach, thinking that Dean had elbowed him in his sleep. To Sam's surprise Dean was curled up a foot away from him. Sam rubbed his stomach, putting it down to the food at the restaurant and laid back down and tried to sleep.

It was early morning when Sam awoke abruptly again, rubbing his eyes as he did. He suddenly had the urge to throw up. He rushed out of bed and to the bathroom.

Dean woke up to the bed bouncing as Sam jumped out of it. Dean sat up and watched Sam run into the bathroom holding his stomach, then heard why he was rushing to it. Dean lay back down smirking that the food had made him ill when he was the one that picked the place.

"You alright, Sammy?" Dean said when he heard Sam was on his way back to the bedroom. Sam grunted a reply as he lay back into bed, breathing heavily.

"Didn't we have the same meal?" Sam said as he curled up holding his stomach. "Why is it making me ill?" He sighed and Dean shrugged, stroking the back of Sam's hair.


	15. Dean The Mechanic

**A/N Reviews make me happy. It lets me know people are reading! **

Sam spent the day sitting around feeling ill, avoiding Dean when he had a big sandwich in his hand. When it came to ordering take out for dinner, Sam still said no and Dean got a little worried about him. He has gone all day without anything, just water.

"I just feel sick," Sam repeated again when Dean asked what was wrong with him.

Later that night Sam was sitting watching television in their room when Dean came in, burping from his big meal. Dean jumped onto the bed next to Sam, bouncing the bed as he did.

"Do you have to?" Sam asked looking away from the screen to Dean. Sam's face looked pale like he could throw up at any moment.

"You look like death warmed up." Dean said scrunching his brow looking at Sam.

"Thanks…" Sam said and slumped down into his pillow, Dean sat stroking his hair as they watched late night TV.

- - - - - -

As the week went by it was mostly the same, Sam didn't seem to feel any better but he didn't moan because Dean would worry. They just lazed around at Bobby's Dean would work on his baby and Sam would sit and read, although Sam did like watching Dean get greased up and sweaty working on his car.

"You like that?" Dean said smirking as he bent over the engine, poking his backside higher at Sam as he watched. Sam stood leaning against the house looking out at all the wrecked cars Bobby had as Dean tried to seduce him.

"Get me a beer, Sammy," Dean smiled at Sam and Sam went to get Dean a cold beer from the fridge. Sam walked back out into the sun to Dean and passed him the beer.

"Not having one?" Dean asked seeing that Sam only had one, Sam shook his head.

"Don't fancy it."

"You've been weird this past week…" Dean said observing Sam. "You've hardly eaten, you've been sick everyday."

"Well I'm not doing it on purpose." Sam said leaving against the Impala next to Dean. "It's almost like…" Sam broke off.

"What?" Dean asked and Sam laughed at himself.

"It's stupid." Sam said but Dean just stared waiting for him to tell him. "Morning sickness…" Sam said looking away from Dean.

"Morning sickness?" Dean repeated with a laugh. Sam looked at Dean seriously and Dean stopped laughing.

"I've been sick in the mornings, I do have sore… Nipples." Sam said looking embarrassed.

"Are you serious?" Dean said looking at Sam who nodded looking embarrassed still. "Is there something you're not telling me? Like a sex change?" Dean said stepping away from the car and looking back at Sam.

"I knew I shouldn't have said anything…" Sam said putting his hand through his hair. "There has been male pregnancy in certain lore's." Dean snorted and shook his head.

"Well how do we find out?" Dean said taking a big mouthful of beer, and then another. Sam shrugged.

"A pregnancy test I suppose."


	16. The Test

**A/N I got my first Supernatural magazine today! It's great. **

Dean told Bobby they were going for a drive and they drove off down the road heading for the nearest convenience store.

"I can't believe we are doing this…" Dean said shaking his head as he drove.

"Haven't you seen enough weird shit to at least consider this, Dean?" Sam sighed.

Sam's thoughts wandered to if he really was – _pregnant. _By the sounds of Dean wouldn't want anything to do with it. Who would anyway? They are brothers, and he is a guy. How would it even work?

Dean looked sideways at Sam; he had his brow scrunched and was thinking to himself, picking at his fingernails looking worried.

Dean pulled into a little car park for a store and they both got out the car. Sam took a deep breath and walked into the store, heading for the toiletries aisle. Dean got distracted by all the goodies on sale and was getting handfuls of crisps and sweets.

Condoms - _don't need those anymore_. Lubricants – _they help. _Sam was nearing his destination. _Pregnancy tests. _Sam eyed up all the different names, he picked up one from the middle price range and scanned the shop for Dean. Dean was already paying for his things; he saw Sam and then walked out of the shop.

Sam headed for the till and put down his one item to be scanned. With an odd look from the cashier Sam took his test and left the shop as fast as he could. Dean was already munching on his crisps in the Impala and Sam got it in the passenger's side.

- - - - - - -

Sam was nervous as they arrived back at Bobby's; he was battling with his thoughts. On one hand, he was a _guy_. He was being stupid, how could he ever get _pregnant_? But then again, he has actually read a couple of stories about this type of thing during his research. He was interrupted by Dean slamming the door behind him.

"Well?" Dean said looking at Sam. "Are you gonna take it?" Sam nodded and left Dean to go into the toilet.

Sam did what he had to do, the box said leave it for 3 minutes. Sam perched on the edge of the bath with his head in his hands thinking over everything.

It's not only a male pregnancy… it was with his brother. It was… he couldn't even say that word. It was _wrong. _That's all that mattered.

Sam was pulling at his hair without noticed and then there was a bang at the door. Sam looked up at the door and then his watch. 50 seconds left.

Sam opened the door to Dean and he looked eagerly at his little brother who looked as if he was about to throw up. Dean closed the door to and looked at the test just as some writing appeared in the little window. Dean's stomach jumped into his throat and he tried to swallow it back down as he turned slowly to Sam with wide eyes. Sam looked up at Dean from the edge of the bath and Dean passed him the test to look at it himself.

Pregnant.


	17. Realisation

**A/N Sorry I haven't updated in ages. Thanks for reading!**

"Pregnant?" Dean said staring at the test in Sam's hand. Sam didn't say anything, he just stared in disbelief. Dean wrenched it out of Sam's hand and started shaking it violently waiting for it to change to not pregnant. But it didn't. Sam put his head in his hands he couldn't focus on anything and it was making him want to puke.

"This shouldn't have happened! How could it work?" Dean said throwing the test into the bin with more force than needed. Sam suddenly threw himself onto the floor by the toilet and threw up into the bowl. Dean's heart raced – it was true. Sam was crying now sitting on the floor leaning against the bath, face pale and his eyes redder than ever. Dean sat next to him and held his hand tightly.

"Whatever happens Sammy, I will _never_ leave you again." Dean said with a few tears filling is own eyes as he saw the scars on Sam's wrists from when he went to hell.

There was a knock on the door, it was Bobby.

"Hey are you in there? I heard shouting, everything ok?" Bobby said from through the door and the brothers looked at each other. Dean got up and unlocked the door and Bobby saw Sam sitting crying on the floor.

"What's going on?" Bobby asked with fear in his expression. Dean sighed and got the test from the bin and showed it to Bobby. Bobby scrunched his brow in confusion and looked at Dean and then to Sam, waiting for an explanation.

"Sam took it." Dean said quietly. Bobby looked back at the writing on the test reading it over and over in his mind.

"You're yanking my chain." Bobby said with a confused smile on his lips. Dean stared seriously at Bobby and Sam still hadn't looked up from his hands, then suddenly he was sick again and Bobby believed them after that.

"Get your brother some water." Bobby instructed Dean and Dean obeyed. Bobby pulled Sam to his feet and walked him to their bed laying him down gently.

"What are you going to do about it, Sam?" Bobby asked and Sam didn't look up or answer. "I'm here for you Sam, both of you." Bobby said as Dean came back into the room with some cold water for Sam. Sam took it and took a little sip and then put it down. Bobby got up and left Sam and Dean to talk this through.

"What _are_ we gonna do about it?" Dean repeated to himself, staring at the wall. "We can't have a baby. You can't even give birth!"

"I can't do this…" Sam said getting up and reaching for the door. Dean grabbed Sam, stopping him from opening the door. "Dean, please…" Sam said turning to look down into his brother's eyes. Sam was crying and Dean looked worriedly up at him. Dean let go and Sam turned around leaving Dean in their room.

"Sam?" Bobby said peering around the kitchen door as he heard Sam coming noisily down the stairs and out of the front door.

Sam was holding his head and pulling at his hair as he opened the nearest car door in Bobby's yard. He put the right wires together and the engine started with a grumble and Sam drove off quickly. Sam drove in any direction as fast as he could. He wanted to get away. Away from everything. He couldn't be _pregnant_. He couldn't go through with it.

Sam drove until the petrol light flashed red at him and the car came to a stop. He pulled over at the side of the road, it was dark now. He just sat in the car looking up the road at nothing in particular; there were no houses, cars or anybody in sight. He was alone. And he needed to be. Sam decided to get out of the car to stretch his long legs; he looked up at the dark sky to see millions of stars in the clear sky. He walked to the field by the road and lay on his back staring at the stars, his arms under his head as a pillow. He lay there for hours, just staring and thinking. He started to close his eyes listening to the crickets around him, and the rustle of the grass as the wind blew. Then he heard a car stop on the road and the door open.

Dean walked over to Sam and lay down next to him in the grass. Neither said anything, but Sam took one of Dean's hands in his own and stroked it with his thumb. They lay there all night silently and they watched as the sun came up.


	18. Liquor Store

**A/N Thanks for all the lovely reviews! **

Dean watched as Sam slept, leaning on Dean's shoulder. The sun was still low and the sky was a bright orange with scattered clouds. Dean stroked Sam's soft hair as he watched the clouds slowly move over them. Sam groaned quietly and moved his head into Dean's hand, pushing for the affection. Dean kissed the top of Sam's head gently and Sam drew in a deep breath of morning air.

"Dean?" Sam whispered still with his eyes closed.

"Shh, I'm here…" Dean patted Sam's hair gently. Sam rubbed his stomach as Dean watched.

"I can't have this baby Dean…" Sam's eyes were still closed, he couldn't bare to see the look on his brothers face. Dean was silent for a moment and Sam looked up to him waiting for a response. "Dean?" Sam asked when he still hadn't said anything, Sam's stomach churned, Dean hated him now, and he knew it.

"Ok Sam, it's your decision." Dean said without any emotion in his voice or showing on his face. There was something wrong and Sam had a good idea what it was.

"Dean…" Sam said sitting up, Dean just lay with his arm under his head looking up at the sky. "It's not that I'm ashamed…" Sam huffed; he couldn't find the words to tell his brother that he didn't want to have a baby with him. "I'm just not ready, Dean. We can't have a baby! Look at us. We don't have a life to bring a baby into…" Sam looked away from Dean who was still staring at the sky. Dean got up and Sam watched as he got into his Impala without a word and left Sam sitting on the grass alone. Sam couldn't help but burst into tears.

Dean hated him, and Sam didn't blame him. Sam didn't want to have a baby with the person he loved, and why? Because they were brothers? Or because they were both male? Sam didn't know which one was worse, so he blamed both.

Sam got back into the car he drove from Bobby's, hot wired it again and headed to the nearest town. He was looking for signs everywhere, but the place he found was a doctor's clinic. He pulled up and turned the engine off then suddenly had a thought that made him feel sick.

How can a grown man walk into a doctor's clinic and ask for an abortion? If he actually got taken seriously and got to the point to get an abortion, he would be the first pregnant man? He would be all over the news. Sam put his head in his hands and pulled at his hair. Maybe he could call Bobby and ask if he knew anybody who happened to be a doctor. It was a long shot, but worth a try.

Sam dialled the number and waited for Bobby to answer. "Bobby, um, do you know anybody who is a doctor? That you know, knows about what we do?" Sam asked through biting his nails. Bobby was silent for a moment, hopefully thinking of the person he did know.

"Er yeah I think I do, why Sam?" Bobby asked with concern in his voice.

"For an… abortion." Sam said the last word quieter than the rest.

"I don't know if he can do that Sam. Let me give him a call." Bobby said and Sam grunted a response and hung up. Sam looked up through the windscreen and saw a flashing sign. Liquor Store.

- - - - - - -

Dean drove for hours, silently, not even with any music on. He gave in to his stomach growling at him louder than the car and he pulled into the nearest diner he saw. Dean ordered a burger and chips and sat staring out of the window wondering whether he should call Sammy.

He shouldn't have left the way he had today. It was up to Sam wasn't it? It's his body. If he isn't ready for this he shouldn't have to be. Surely Sam wasn't ashamed to be having a baby with his brother? Dean repeated that last sentence to himself.

God…

He should be ashamed.

Dean was broken out of his thoughts when his meal arrived by a young blonde waitress, bending down lower than she needed to to give Dean a coffee top up. Dean just smiled absent mindedly he wasn't paying attention to the girl, but a few months ago he would have been all over her. What happnened to him? He'd rather go and fuck his little brother than a beautiful girl…

_I'm so fucked up. _

Dean looked down at his food he had suddenly lost his appetite. He threw some notes on the table and left his food un-touched. He roared

the Impala's engine and flawed away from the diner, heading for Bobbies, Sam must have gone back by now.


	19. Waiting

**A/N thanks for reading.**

Sam's cell rang and he checked it to see who it was.

"Bobby?" Sam said knowing it was him but he was too eager to hear what he had to say to care.

"Hi Sam, I spoke to Jack and he said he should be able to arrange something. He can do the abortion in his office at the hospital for you, tonight." Sam took a congratulatory mouthful of Jack Daniels before he answered Bobby.

"Thank god…" Was all Sam could say, "where'sss the hozpitall?" Sam slurred and he cursed himself for slurring so badly on the phone.

"Are you drunk?" Bobby asked and Sam didn't reply. "You're pregnant!"

"So what!" Sam shouted, "it'll be gone sooooooon." Sam said and took another mouthful. "What hospital?"

"It's called Sacred Heart, in Boreham."

"Boreham," Sam repeated. "Is it really boring there? Haa ha." Sam laughed at his own joke then hung up.

"Boreeeham." Sam said and looked around through the car windows and saw a sign that read Boreham Library. That's handy, I don't need to drive. Sam thought and he sat back in the chair drinking from the bottle. Now all he had to do was wait, wait for tonight and this'll all be over.

- - - - - -

Dean skidded to a halt at a sudden change in the traffic lights ahead and he checked the time. It was already 6pm and he hadn't heard from Sam all day.

Dean decided to call Sam because he was still quite a way from Bobby's. He hadn't realised he had drove so far away earlier. Dean clicked on Sam's number and put his cell to his ear, waiting for Sam to answer. It just kept ringing. Dean's stomach jolted. Then it went to voicemail. Dean tried ringing again, then a third time. All without any answers from his brother. Dean threw his cell on the passenger's chair and it bounced onto the floor, just adding to Dean's frustration.

Dean sped away from the green traffic light hoping Sam was ok. He then decided to call Bobby to find out if he was even there. Dean leant over and was feeling for his cell on the floor trying to steer in a straight line as he did. He found it just in time to sit up and see that he was going to drive into a sign.

"Bobby! Is Sam there?!" Dean asked urgently when Bobby answer, then his heart stopped when he heard Bobby's answer.

"No, he hasn't been home." Bobby considered telling Dean why Sam rang him earlier. "Dean, listen. Sam is going to get an abortion, and he is drunk."

"Dammit, Sam." Was Dean's answer not really aimed at Bobby, "where is he?"

"He'll be at Boreham, heading for the hospital." That was all Dean needed to hear and he hung up. Dean would find his brother; he wouldn't let him go through this alone. No matter what.

- - - - - - - -

Sam woke up suddenly when he heard a bang from outside; someone shut their car door next to him. Sam looked around drearily trying to work out what was going on. Sam's head pounded as he wiped the dribble away from his chin. He checked the time and he decided to try and find the hospital. He left the car in the doctor clinic's car park, he didn't feel like driving and he needed some air. He pushed his hair out of his face and crossed the road. He saw a convenience store and decided to ask for directions, he didn't want to be looking around all night; the tension building already was unbearable.

Sam was pointed in the right direction and was told it wasn't far down the road. It wouldn't take Sam's long legs much to get him there. As he walked he thought about calling Dean after seeing the missed calls from him. But he couldn't face him after this morning; Dean hated him for doing this. Why would he want to be there to witness it?

There it was, Sacred Heart, a tall building with too many floors to count and Sam stopped looking up at the entrance thinking it over. He took a deep breath and went through the automatic doors towards the receptionist who looked up and smiled at Sam.

"I'm here for an appointment with Jack Shepherd." Sam stated trying to calm the fear in his voice. The receptionist clicked on her computer and directed Sam to go and sit down and he would be called when the doctor was ready. Sam sat on the edge of a chair, head in his hand and pulling at his hair again. The waiting for the worst part.

After what seemed like ages Sam's name was called by a nurse and she took him to Jack's room.

"If you want to just take off your shirt and lay on the bed, the doctor will be here any minute." She said with a smile and left Sam alone. Sam took off his coat then his shirt, looking down at his stomach.

This was the right decision. It was.

Sam reassured himself again as he laid on the bed and stared at the light on the ceiling.


	20. Nothing Matters, Because We Are Together

**A/N thanks everyone for reading!**

Sam jumped when the door suddenly opened and he looked around to see a man in a white doctor's coat. He was tall, but not as tall as Sam, he looked older then Sam and he had stubble around his chiselled chin.

"You must be Sam." He said soothingly with a smile and he shook Sam's hand. Sam felt really venerable laying there with his shirt off in front of a strange man.

_What does he think of me? A pregnant man? What a freak_, probably.

"I have spoken to Bobby and found out about your situation. You want an abortion, right?" Sam nodded. "Ok, since we won't be able to do this the normal way, for obvious reasons, I will have to make a small incision and cut it out. Just a local anaesthetic will do." Sam nodded again then looked to the door, hoping Dean would open it. But knowing he wouldn't be there.

Jack started putting on his gloves and he wiped some orange looking stuff on Sam, which Sam gathered was antiseptic, then he put that piece of paper over his stomach that he has seen doctors do in films. After that, Jack got a needle of anaesthetic ready and injected Sam's stomach. Sam winced as he felt the liquid enter his vein.

Sam laid his head down not wanting to watch Jack as he picked up his scalpel, when suddenly the door opened. Sam looked to see Dean's shoulder appear followed by a very concerned expression on Dean's face.

"Dean!" Sam said trying not to move but all he wanted to do was get up and feel his brothers embrace. Dean breathed out all the tension in his expression.

"Sammy… What are you doing? Why didn't you answer my calls?!" Dean asked trying not to sound angry.

"I didn't think you wanted to be here!" Sam said tears leaking from the sides of his eyes.

"Why would you think that, Sammy? I wouldn't let you go through this alone. We are in this together…" Dean said as he bent over Sam and stroked his hair.

"I'm sorry, Dean…" Sam said tugging at Dean's shoulder as he stood there.

"Pull up a stool." Jack said to Dean and Dean did, he sat next to Sam holding his hand.

Jack got his scalpel again and Dean winced as he saw him cut into his little brother, glad Sam couldn't feel it like the wounds they have to care for themselves after a hunt. Dean had to look away when Jack pulled something out of his little brother, Sam winced though he couldn't feel it, but he knew what was going on.

Jack finished with a few stitches and he left the brothers alone. Sam sat up slowly it hurt a little bit; the anaesthetic hadn't completely worn off yet. Before Sam knew what had hit him Dean hugged Sam tightly.

"I love you, Sammy." Dean whispered and Sam let out another tear.

"It's Sam." Sam said as Dean let go of him and passed him his shirt. Dean smirked and threw Sam's jacket at him.

They drove back to Bobby's and decided to stay there a bit longer to let Sam recover. Dean wasn't about to let Sam rip the stitches out because he wanted to hunt.

"Thanks Bobby, for sorting all this out." Sam said and Bobby smiled.

"Anything for you boys." He said and patted Sam's shoulder. "Now go get some rest."

Dean ordered Sam to go and lay down for a while and Dean sat on the bed with Sam.

"I'm sorry for what I said this morning, Sammy." Dean said looking seriously at Sam. "I just… thought we would go throw with it. You know? We'd finally have a family..."

"Maybe one day we will, but just not yet." Sam said with a smile and pulled Dean down into a hug. And they lay on the bed together, just enjoying each others touch.

The end.


End file.
